Monthly Archives: October 2017

Midlife Momentum: 5 Questions to ask yourself about your Finances

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Midlife is that time where we start looking forward to another phase of life: retirement.  For some it may be sooner, others later.  Either way, there are a few things in mid-life we should ask ourselves about our finances, Midway Through Life asked our favorite CPA/Financial advisor to give us some advice – here are 5 questions to ask yourself:

  1.  At what age do I want to retire?  First, come up with your WANT TO number and then you will need to see if you CAN.

TO DO:  a. Find out what your Social Security earnings will be when you retire.  You can go to the SSA website for the quick calculator: https://www.ssa.gov/oact/quickcalc/  or you can request a statement from the SSA – this will give you an idea of how much you can draw at early retirement (62) or full retirement (currently 66). https://secure.ssa.gov/RIL/SiView.do

b. If you haven’t started to save for retirement – DO IT NOW.  Even $25/month in an IRA is something.   Start putting something away today for tomorrow.  The benefit of a traditional  IRA is the tax savings.  If a traditional IRA contribution doesn’t save you any taxes this year, make a ROTH IRA contribution or contribute to a separate account you will set aside for retirement only.

c.  On top of saving in an IRA or just a regular savings account, start making sure that you have SOMETHING put aside for emergencies.  Again, even $500-$1000 can help with a broken appliance, unexpected car maintenance or high-deductible medical issue.

D.  Think twice about co-signing for a child’s auto or college loans!  Co-signing a loan may be devastating to your financial health, especially as you are planning for the next phase of life.  Consumer advocate Clark Howard says:

According to a 2012 report by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and Department of Education, about 90% of all private student loans are co-signed by a parent. Sadly, a 2014 Citizens Financial Group survey revealed that 94% of parents with a child in college said they felt more burdened due to their children’s college loans. In addition, around 50% of parents did not have a plan to repay their child’s student loan debt.

When you co-sign a loan, you’re doing more than just giving a character reference for the person. You’re agreeing to pay the debt if they welch on payments — either intentionally or because they lose a job and can’t find another.

So co-signing a loan creates a long-term financial obligation. It is a hazard that should be avoided if at all possible.

http://clark.com/personal-finance-credit/co-signing-a-loan/

2.  At what age is your home going to be paid off?  For a lot of people this will also determine when you CAN retire.  If at all possible, you want to have your house paid off at retirement.  This will free up valuable resources that can be put towards living expenses. Paying off your mortgage reduces your monthly cost needs and gives you more choices.

3.  What am I going to do for Health Insurance until I reach Medicare age?  If you plan on retiring at 62, but are not medicare eligible at 65, what will you do for those 3 years?  Will you live without health insurance or buy an individual policy?  Going without is not the best option at this time in life, so plan ahead.   Sites like https://www.healthcare.gov/retirees/  can help you find a policy to fill that gap. Just know this will take resources (another reason to start saving TODAY)

4.  If you are working:  How should I deal with all the choices associated with my 401K or retirement plan?  You can certainly use the resources that are supplied with your 401K to make the best financial decisions with you 401K for your personal situation.  But, if you don’t like making retirement choices or playing day trader with your money, then choose a retirement target date fund.  Most accounts have a target date fund that will be more aggressive early and move to more conservative as you get closer to your retirement date.

5.  What is your LEGACY?  What do you want to happen with your money when you are gone?  Do you have kids, grandkids or a cause that you want to see benefit from your money?  Do you have a child with special needs who may need care after you are gone?  Make sure you have a plan IN WRITING for what you’d like to have happen to your money.

Planning for your retirement and future may seem daunting in midlife, when kids may still be in braces or looking at colleges, but a little planning goes a long way.  Gaining Momentum in Midlife is one of the best things you can do for yourself and those you love.

Being Grateful or being Appreciative?

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I have had several “gratitude” journals over the years.   I never got through even 15 days – on any of them.  There was always something chore like about it, like I was a child writing thank you notes to great aunts they barely knew.  I thought this was what I was “supposed” to be doing to fill my heart with joy and open myself to more happiness.  But the act of writing down what I was “grateful” for just didn’t stick.  It just seemed so… inauthentic to me.  I thought I was deficient.  Why couldn’t I feel the beautiful glow that Oprah does when she is “grateful”?  I guess mine was left to the Thanksgiving table. So I decided to do a little research and soul searching.

The Miriam Webster’s definition of Gratitude is”

1a :appreciative of benefits received

b :expressing gratitude 

  • grateful thanks

When I saw this, the word that struck me was the word appreciation.

The definition of Appreciation is:

1a :a feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude

  • I want to express my appreciation for all you’ve done.
  • a small token of our appreciation
There was that word again, GRATITUDE. So how were they different?
One way appears that Gratitude is the willingness to show a person/the universe/your great aunts you are thankful for what you received.
Appreciation was the feeling, understanding, the WHY of it all.  The realization that this is good.
This was my problem!!  I was bypassing appreciation altogether.  I wasn’t feeling my appreciation way to my gratitude. So when I was forcing “gratitude”  it was as if I was bringing store bought cookies to the bake sale and THIS IS WHY IT FELT EMPTY.
APPRECIATION is the higher emotion I needed to tap into because: APPRECIATION IS FOR MY INTERNAL WORLD.  GRATITUDE IS FOR MY EXTERNAL WORLD.
I have since replaced my gratitude journal with an appreciation one.  It feels so much better.  I am able to look at all the things I appreciation and FROM THAT look at what I am grateful for – it makes so much more sense.

I also found this exercise called 10/10 Exercise (which being in Midlife and the mom of two teen girls, I have modified to 7/7!!!).At 7 am & 7 pm each day, I set your phone alarm to vibrate. This is my reminder to reflect on the last 12 hours.  I try to find as many things I have appreciated in the 12 hours and from that 1-2 things I am TRULY grateful for and then act on them to the EXTERNAL world (if it is a person, I try to send a thank you note, text, quick e-mail just expressing my gratitude). Before I go to bed, I try to review my day and feel true appreciation and thanks.

This simple act of ADDING APPRECIATION to my day has truly allowed me to find more happiness and peace in my day to day life.

Is it easy?  Not always.  Two teenagers in my realm are the best teachers one could as for, but Midway Through Life, I am still growing and learning.

Me-NO-pause

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So here I am in midway through life.

I JUST feel like I got that mom thing under control – cookin’ along, doing fine then …all of a sudden, these feelings stir in me – like deep feelings.  I want to write, I want to start a blog.  I want to talk with other women about how midlife is for them.

And then – my body starts to – change.  Almost imperceptibly at first, but things  seems to “shift”.  What is this?   I went to my OBGYN only to learn that this was going to go on for another 5 or so years??  Wait, what?

And this is just the start.  All those women fanning themselves desperately in the dead of winter – yep, that could be me soon.   The new look of leggings and oversized shirts because I no longer have a waist and where did that stomach come from?

How did this creep up on me? What next?  I needed resources.  The best, and most comprehensive, book I have found is Christiane Northrup’s The Wisdom of Menopause.  She talks about not only her own story, but symptoms and common strategies on getting through the “transition”.  I love that she talks about Midlife as “redefining creativity and home.”

Maybe it will all be ok.

 

What is Midlife?

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Why is it that as soon as we hear the word “midlife” is it inevitably followed by the word crisis?  Midlife is a transition, yes, but it does not have to be one where we lose ourselves completely.  In fact, the whole point of the transitions that happen at midlife is so that we actually “find” ourselves – we start developing our inner selves.  We stop living for everyone else and start living for ourselves.  Scary?  Sure.  It will require you to challenge your previously held beliefs and attitudes at a time when change is about the last thing people want to do, but it is necessary for us to get to psychological wholeness.

By midlife, many of us have become comfortable with our roles: wife, partner, mother, employee, manager, sister/sister-in-law/daughter-in-law (same for men).  We maybe have finished our schooling, gotten that promotion, have gotten into a routine and are comfortable with what we have made of ourselves.  Then, like clockwork, it’s time to expand and grow.

Maybe your first child becomes a teen and doesn’t need you to “mother” them as much.  This happened to me recently.  For the first time, my child looked at me eye to eye – like she saw me through the eyes of her own budding adulthood, and wasn’t impressed.  This type of rejection is awful.  I just got good at the mothering thing and it was like overnight I was downsized – no explanation – no severance pay – just a thanks but we’ll call you if we need you.

Or maybe it’s an unexpected life moment:  lay-off, unexpected passing of a family member, divorce.  All of these catapult us into the next phase of reevaluation of life.  Things previously held sacred may start to lose their meaning, there may be an urgency that sets in and a desperation if we refuse to stay present.

In fact, Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist talks life stages using the metaphor of a rising and setting sun.  According to Nancy B. Millner, PHD in her workbook  Applied Jungian Psychology: Navigating the Seasons of Later Life:

According to this model, in the morning of life the sun rises from the unconscious, at mid day it shines brightest spreading its influence far and wide and then in the afternoon it begins its slow descent until at the end of life it enters again the unconscious from which it emerged.

She goes on to say:

All life stages models – are limited.  The can not fit each person.  Yet, the process of life has a pattern and to know something of this pattern can be helpful.  Awareness of a life stages model can provide some markers for an otherwise unmarked way.

Entering midlife does not need to be terrifying, it can be a pathway to a new dimension within ourselves.  We need to stop using the word crisis and start using the word transition or passage.  We need to celebrate the coming of something new and focus on that rather than the mourning of what  we perceive is being lost.

I’ve got a dream: to blog

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Did I tell you I am terrified about giving up my job and all I have known for the past 14 years?  Yeah, I am.  But something in me won’t stop.  5 signs that it’s time to move on from your job

I wrote that article because that was what I was experiencing making this decision.  I swear, I was rocking along in life just going to school functions, making sure homework was done, the dog walked and dinner made and then BAM!  It hit me – what the “it” was I still don’t understand.  It’s like destiny knocked at my door like the UPS man delivering yet another package from Amazon (who doesn’t love PRIME – right?)  Well, I can’t shake it.  I am like that song in Tangled:  I got a dream    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nMasOQsPME

But I feel guilty having a dream!  I have two kids in school, I am a wife and bring in the benefits.  Who am I to stray from the conventional wisdom that I grew up with:  Life Sucks Then You Die?!

Midway through Life, sometime has awakened in me.  Something that I can’t put back into the box.  Something bigger than my day to day roles.  I have to follow this one.  Who knows where it will go?

5 signs that it’s time to move on from your job

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5 signs that it’s time to move on from your job

midwaythroughlife.com

  1. You don’t want to go to work:  Now, there are plenty of days that most of us wake up and just don’t want to go to work.  Fantasies of winning the lottery and a lifetime of travel and luxury are common to us all, but when you REALLY don’t want to go to work and this feeling is accompanied by anxiety, stress, anger or apathy for the work you are doing, this might be a sign that it is time to move on and find a better fitting position elsewhere.         Try to pinpoint the “why” of not wanting to be there: is it the relationship with your boss? the work you are doing doesn’t seem meaningful anymore (maybe it never did)?  the culture of the organization is not a fit to what you value? This will help you plan for the next chapter and help you find that company/job where you feel celebrated.   (Note: If you are feeling feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, appetite or weight changes, sleep changes or lack of interest in daily activities, you may be suffering from depression and you should see your physician)
  2. You are becoming a bad sequel of yourself.  Did you ever watch a movie that was so mind blowing that when part 2 came out, you just couldn’t wait to see it?  And 20 minutes in, you realize that the movie just isn’t good – maybe there is a different cast, maybe the new storyline is confusing or not plausible or it just isn’t as satisfying as the first one.     Then you sit there and try to decide whether or not to stay. If you feel this way in your job, like you used to be the first one to volunteer for a new assignment, or you used to love the company fun Friday activities, but now you are just going through the motions, it’s time to go.
  3. Every thought is followed by another quieter one that says “I don’t care”.  You find yourself in a meeting talking about strategy and the 6 month plan, and quietly, in a corner of your mind, you hear yourself saying “I really don’t care”.  Not caring is a sure sign of disengagement and when we disengage, we aren’t good for anyone, especially ourselves.  Disengagement is hard to come back from but it is a great indication for us that we are no longer present and in the game.  Reengagement is of course possible, but you need to ask yourself what would it take for you to re-engage (e.g more challenging work, different supervisor, more training) and if it is worth it or is it your mind’s wisdom just telling you to move on?
  4. Your work is suffering.  Even if your work production hasn’t changed, has your quality?  When it is time for us to move on, we have a hard time focusing our energy on what we are doing because a part of us is already somewhere else. And when we ignore this, thinking that we can pretend our way back to the fold, we will inevitably draw attention to ourselves. If you are disengaged, people will disengage from you.  Observe what you are saying and how you are saying it – especially in informal conversations.  If you are the one always complaining or gossiping or you find it difficult to rally your attitude, notice this.  Others do. Know that this is happening either make a plan to fix it or move on.
  5. You just know.  Trust your instincts.  Our natural timing in unchangingly perfect.  We know when it’s time to move on, but often we override our own wisdom for stability, consistency and comfort.  In stagnant stability, however, we are actually decaying.  This is not to say that you leave your position dramatically with no plan (although that might happen) – find out what you need to do to move on: update your resume, dust off your address book and start networking, do some soul searching about the next step, find out what your passions are and how they could turn into a job.  This is where intentional action is critical.

The decision to leave a job is a big one, especially one you may have been in for a while, but if you are seeing the above signs, it is time to take a look at yourself.

Leaving your job to pursue your destiny

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So, here’s the thing. I have been at my job for 15 years.  For 14 of them, I have enjoyed it – well, I have been raising kids, living life and doing what I thought needed to get done.  But, I have hit mid-life and something has changed, like deep down changed.  A few months ago, I realized I wanted to write.  Like, write for a living, like, take a chance on myself.  I feel this huge tug to try to make a shift in life, but that means losing my comfy cozy day job with the comfy benefits – you know pesky things like dental and vision and the ability to actually see a doctor if needed without having to sell a car to do so.  This has me absolutely panicked.  Panicking is not a good way to encourage bravery.  I know it’s time to make a change though and I am absolutely paralyzed.  On one hand, I am giddy with excitement at the thought of pursuing a childhood dream, on the other side, I have been doing everything for everyone else my whole life and I feel an obligation to continue doing so.  Who am I to pursue my dream?  That is for other people, people with clear talent.  Who says I am even any good?  Last time I wrote I was 14.  But I feel like it is now or never, you know?  Like if I don’t do it right now, some door will close and I will find myself swept up with life again and then full of regrets.  So I sit here, midway through life trying to figure it all out.