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Being Grateful or being Appreciative?

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I have had several “gratitude” journals over the years.   I never got through even 15 days – on any of them.  There was always something chore like about it, like I was a child writing thank you notes to great aunts they barely knew.  I thought this was what I was “supposed” to be doing to fill my heart with joy and open myself to more happiness.  But the act of writing down what I was “grateful” for just didn’t stick.  It just seemed so… inauthentic to me.  I thought I was deficient.  Why couldn’t I feel the beautiful glow that Oprah does when she is “grateful”?  I guess mine was left to the Thanksgiving table. So I decided to do a little research and soul searching.

The Miriam Webster’s definition of Gratitude is”

1a :appreciative of benefits received

b :expressing gratitude 

  • grateful thanks

When I saw this, the word that struck me was the word appreciation.

The definition of Appreciation is:

1a :a feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude

  • I want to express my appreciation for all you’ve done.
  • a small token of our appreciation
There was that word again, GRATITUDE. So how were they different?
One way appears that Gratitude is the willingness to show a person/the universe/your great aunts you are thankful for what you received.
Appreciation was the feeling, understanding, the WHY of it all.  The realization that this is good.
This was my problem!!  I was bypassing appreciation altogether.  I wasn’t feeling my appreciation way to my gratitude. So when I was forcing “gratitude”  it was as if I was bringing store bought cookies to the bake sale and THIS IS WHY IT FELT EMPTY.
APPRECIATION is the higher emotion I needed to tap into because: APPRECIATION IS FOR MY INTERNAL WORLD.  GRATITUDE IS FOR MY EXTERNAL WORLD.
I have since replaced my gratitude journal with an appreciation one.  It feels so much better.  I am able to look at all the things I appreciation and FROM THAT look at what I am grateful for – it makes so much more sense.

I also found this exercise called 10/10 Exercise (which being in Midlife and the mom of two teen girls, I have modified to 7/7!!!).At 7 am & 7 pm each day, I set your phone alarm to vibrate. This is my reminder to reflect on the last 12 hours.  I try to find as many things I have appreciated in the 12 hours and from that 1-2 things I am TRULY grateful for and then act on them to the EXTERNAL world (if it is a person, I try to send a thank you note, text, quick e-mail just expressing my gratitude). Before I go to bed, I try to review my day and feel true appreciation and thanks.

This simple act of ADDING APPRECIATION to my day has truly allowed me to find more happiness and peace in my day to day life.

Is it easy?  Not always.  Two teenagers in my realm are the best teachers one could as for, but Midway Through Life, I am still growing and learning.