The more I learn and research about midlife, the more surprised I am that we still keep think we are the only ones going through this.
While what we go through is very personal, we are not the first ones, and won’t be the last, to experience the absolute panic, anxiety and even depression that midlife can bring not to mention the physical symptoms that can take us hostage and turn us into someone we ourselves don’t understand.
Here are 3 things that are shocking about falling apart in midlife:
- The oldest members of the Millennials (of Gen Y) generational group are now 38. This means they will be experiencing perimenopausal symptoms themselves within the next 5 years. Weren’t we just talking about how these gals were invading our workplace and how we didn’t understand them? Now, in a few years we will finally be on the upside of the bottom of the U-curve of life as they are blissfully sliding down into it. They will soon be blogging about how they don’t know what’s hitting them and will be looking for all the advice and answers that we are seeking now, all while spending a majority of their time in the workplace. And with women working longer, chances are many of us, if we are working women, will still be here too. In fact, by 2024 the Bureau of Labor and Statistics predicts that the women over 45 will make up 45.4% of the US labor force (it was 43.82% in 2016) compared to 43.2% of men over 45. One study in Scotland showed that out of 3,649 working women, 63% said menopause was treated as a joke at work. And yet, 8 out of 10 women will have some menopausal indicators, which don’t just happen at home. So, we need to prepare the workforce to be better for this next generation, and for those of us sticking around, than we found it. We need to be making sure that our employers know we are here (and we are because every year 1,300,000 women in the US enter menopause) and that we are just as dedicated and talented as we ever were and with support, we will continue to thrive in our careers. For example, better access temperature controls, options to adjust or have flexible schedules to address fatigue and other disruptive symptoms, better access to alternative treatments through healthcare (acupuncture, wellness programs, etc.), more workplace support networks for women of all ages and workplace education to remove stigma with policies that reinforce it all could go a long way to ensure a woman can remain self-confident and connected during what, for many, is the height of their careers.
- In nineteenth century asylums, the ‘cause of admittance’ for most women over forty was listed as ‘change of life’ or ‘suppressed menstruation’. Yeah, middle aged women have been thought of as ‘crazy’ for a long time. Does midlife make us crazy? Probably not totally crazy, but our hormones do act like they have an all access pass to Six Flags, are all over the place on wild rides, leaving us to sometimes feel out of control looking for the nearest trash can. In midlife, we also get sick of putting up with a lot of crap. We get tired of holding things in, being polite and going along to get along. We realize we have spent a whole lot of time taking care of and nurturing others and while this may have filled our hearts with joy while doing it, for a lot of us we realize that we ourselves are in need of some nurturing and we have some serious catching up to do. This sense of urgency coupled with a body that seems to have betrayed even the best of us and left us invisible in a culture obsessed with youth and perfection has also left us pissed off. Armed with an attitude and a hot flash, we can be dangerous. What can we do about being still labeled today as ‘crazy’? Ignore it and don’t hold back, be who you are and embrace the new found psychic energy that is emerging. We have a power surge like no other time in our lives. It’s time to tell the world to get the hell out of our way and let us do our thing.
- Human middle aged females are evolutionary outliers. Only a few species enjoy long post-menopausal lives and we are one of them. Killer whales, Beluga whales and Narwals share the same fate. We are truly in magical company at this point in our lives. In her book, Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life, Darcey Steinke talks about how inspired she was to learn this and discusses the theory that this:
“probably evolved in human communities for the same reason as in whale communities: because around 50, women get so smart and knowledgeable that they’re more valuable to their communities as leaders than as breeders.”
https://crosscut.com/2019/07/what-orcas-can-teach-humans-about-menopause-and-matriarchs?fbclid=IwAR2B8BHPE5XMOYScK6W8KnY1kOANt8GtL-2ZZaPvAJ3cJcvOr3ibOS4H0V0
Knowing that there may just be a divine evolutionary plan for women in midlife can offer us a life raft in the sea of chaos. If leadership is the byproduct being created in all of this, then we really do have stuff to do – it’s in our DNA. With so many of us entering arguably the most powerful time in our life, this can create a great sense of community, hope and focus to the generalized, unspecified urgency we may be feeling. So what can you do about it? Think about the type of leader you are meant to be. Leadership requires authenticity, midlife is here to take us down our own, unique path in which to find the skills and perspective that only we have. What is yours and what can you do with it from here on out?
As we experience midlife, it is easy to think we are the first to feel out of control, cast off and not taken seriously. Yet each generation has experienced midlife in it’s own way with it’s own reactions, narrative and solutions. This just happens to be ours. We are in a most amazing time for women right now and for middle aged women, our time has come.
Take some time today to appreciate just where you are in life and what you can do with this new space you stand in. You are the hero you have been waiting for.
image: unsplash.com Matthieu Stern