Tag Archives: middle age

A woman standing in the morning sunshine

SMASH Your Midlife Mornings: 5 Ways to Set Yourself Up for Success

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We ultimately are the sum total of our habits.  When our daily habits support our best selves, we set ourselves up for success.  Each time we act with respect for our higher self, we are expressing a high level of self-love.  This type of extreme self-care is both compassionate and healing. It is also independent of the behaviors, opinions and beliefs of those around us, so it allows us to both the giver and receiver of a deep level of kindness and gratitude.

So, how do we SMASH our morning routine?

S – Sleep. 

Try to get as much and as restful a night’s sleep that you can.  It gets harder in midlife to get good quality sleep and even harder to get enough of it, but it is one of the best things you can do to support your best self. Studies have even shown that getting less than 7 hours of sleep on a regular basis can lead to weight gain and increases the risk for diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.  Yikes!

Quality sleep can help improve concentration and strengthen your immune system.  It helps with both your emotional and physical well-being so make it a priority. 

Some tips for sleeping better in midlife at night:

  • Go to bed the same time each night (yes, even on weekends and holidays)
  • Limiting liquids before bed (this means alcohol as well)
  • Sleep in the darkest space possible
  • Keep the room temp set to cool
  • Go natural: try taking a hot bath, dab some lavender on your pillow, get great sheets that feel amazing.  Make your bedroom truly a place to relax.

M – Movement. 

Stretch and move your body first thing in the morning. This doesn’t have to mean a 90-minute power yoga class, it can, but even just stretching your body counts. Stretching is a great way to re-inhabit your body, get your blood flowing, relieve tension and bring you into the present moment. 

As we age, we start to naturally lose our balance, flexibility and range of motion. When our muscles stay in a chronically shortened state, it can change the way we move through space.  This can affect the way we walk, move and hold ourselves and leaves us vulnerable to injury and strain.  Before making stretching a midlife morning priority, I pulled a back muscle bending down to get a packet of sugar that fell on the floor. 

If you are not a morning exerciser, simple activities such as pelvic tucks, spinal flexion and extension on hands and knees, gentle spinal rotation with knees moving side to side, stretching upwards and side stretches can loosen areas that have tightened up through the night, increase your energy and start your day with a feeling of strength and accomplishment.  

A – Attitude. 

Do something for your soul each morning. Pray, meditate, read an affirmation, set an intention, breathe or whatever it is that centers and inspires you.  Taking time in the morning, even if it only 5 minutes, to connect to your higher power and/or deeper self, can be a wonderful motivation to be more and connect with something bigger than the day to day tasks in front of us.  It also provides a check-in with your whole self in a quiet space and allows those subtle whispers of wisdom and guidance to be heard.

In midlife, days are often mentally busy and filled with a flurry of activity and external responsibilities.  Creating your own sacred time and space can be recharging and reaffirming in the midst of so many life changes.  Starting the day with attention to your inner, and best, self allows you to foster an attitude of peace, love and acceptance.  This is true beauty and it is timeless.

S – Smile.  

Find something that makes you smile each morning.  Listen to a funny podcast, spend a few minutes with your children playing, take a few silly moments with your spouse or love on a pet and truly enjoy the joy of being present and let it be expressed with a smile. Just the act of smiling can change your mood, reduce stress, lower your blood pressure and enhance your immune system. 

And if we are talking about smiles, let’s not forget about our teeth.  Keeping teeth healthy as we age is critical.  As we age, so do our teeth. The enamel on our teeth becomes translucent making them appear more yellow, gums recede, fillings and dental work may need to be replaced and midlife stress can bring about jaw clenching, pain and night grinding adding more of a load to bear for our aging chompers.  If you find that midlife stress has gotten to you (you have headaches, a sore jaw or are catching yourself clenching), talk to your dentist to see if a nightguard might be an option for you.

Invest in a good toothbrush and replace it once the head is worn down.  Don’t flake on flossing either.  I was a reluctant flosser until my dentist suggested I just floss the ones I want to keep.  That’s all it took. Flossing can combat the bacteria that builds up and causes inflammation, irritation and bad breath. 

Incorporating a little love for your teeth in the morning and finding reasons to smile can be wonderful gift for your midlife mouth.

H – Hydrate and Health. 

These are two separate actions, but they go hand in hand.  Have a glass of warm or room temperature water first thing in the morning to jumpstart your system.   Having 16 ounces of water first thing in the morning helps your body flush out toxins, fills you up and starts your metabolism. It also helps you rehydrate your system.  Dehydration can affect concentration and mood and contribute to constipation, sleeplessness, headaches and overall sluggishness. 

While tempting to reach for that cup of coffee first thing, remember, you have gone several hours without drinking anything and coffee is dehydrating.  Drink water first, save the coffee or tea (which can provide some antioxidants) for a little while later.

Eat a nutritious breakfast, one that provides energy by bringing good carbs, protein and fiber in to your body and satisfies your hunger.  This way, as you move through your busy morning, you can focus better, think clearer and feel great.  It can also prevent you from reaching for that box of donuts on the breakroom table or swinging by a drive thru because you need something quick.

While everyone has different preferences, palettes and accessibility, some good breakfast choices are:

  • Oatmeal (straight oats rather than the presweetened flavored kind, you can add fruit or a bit of natural sweetener to add extra flavor)
  • Eggs (if you are not vegan) can be a great choice for satisfying hunger and offering a good dose of protein and other antioxidants (hardboiled eggs are great portable breakfast)
  • Yogurt (preferably greek style, again if not vegan, with a low sugar and higher probiotic ratio). Again, you can add fruit or even nuts to make this even tastier
  • Not a breakfast eater? Try grabbing a handful of raw almonds when heading out the door.

In fact, packing a few healthy snacks to have at your desk, in your purse or car is also a great way to set yourself up for success when running errands, picking up kids or just living a busy life.

When we can develop the habit of SMASHing our morning, we can set up a safe, open, loving space that is ours alone and one that supports and encourages our best mid-life self. _b=/\r?\

Wrong way sign next to a one way sign

My way or no way

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Recently, a friend was sharing that when she told another midlife friend about the book I had written on the struggles I was facing in midlife, her friend’s response was “well, if she has time to write a book then it doesn’t sound like she is struggling.”

Why do we do this to each other? Why do we shut down, complain or criticize when someone is doing something that either we:

  1. Wouldn’t do
  2. Are too scared ourselves to do
  3. Can’t do for whatever reason
  4. Don’t want to do

Midlife is probably the loneliest time in our lives. Far from being all grown up and secure in who and what we are, we look around only to find that some things that we invested heavily in (whether it is emotionally or financially) will not necessarily give us the payout we hoped for and counted on.

When our life crop has finally matured we may find that cutting corners on the cheap seeds has rendered a weak overall crop or we have put all our energy into become expert farmers only to be hit by disastrous weather right before harvest. We may find disappointment with the sum total of all the small choices we have made. We have let some great friends go as we hunkered down to parent and now find it harder and harder to connect with others unless we see them at our kids activities and even then, conversations become about tasks and techniques and we hastily wave bye as we are running off to the next event.

Through our routines we decide what and who we like and want in our circle and we start to weed out the rest, at first just for convenience, later more for comfort. Only, when we let the connection with ourselves go we can often start to confuse growth with movement. We put down our connection and curiosity with our own self, for good reasons, to grow other human beings or partner with another. But often in the meantime, we become critical to those doing it differently and we embrace the sense of control we seem to have over our lives, and those of the small humans in our care, and become selective and exclusive. We become convinced that we have figured it all out and what is outside our comfort zone is threatening. Then midlife hits.

Midlife is the time to face the gift of loneliness it brings and begin to be vulnerable again. Our way has been that OUR way, it is not the only way and it is not the correct way for many. It is has been just our path. To carry on the “my way or no way” method beyond our parental control and into the world can become restrictive and poisonous to our ability to fully grow as an individual. It is time to acknowledge that each stage of the game will bring new challenges and require new skills and tools from us. When, as in my case, our children grow to a point where command and control not only becomes dated, it becomes toxic to a healthy relationship.

Midlife energy is such a disruptive gift. When someone does something that doesn’t fit into your repertoire, be open to it. Work on getting to My Way is Not the Only Way.