roadblock

Old feelings getting in the way

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Did you ever start something and know it was the right thing to do, the right direction or even just the right time and then something stops you? So often we feel the urgency of to release something inside of us and we recognize the authenticity it holds, but like a vivid dream, once you pull it out in the daylight it often seems foolish and unrealistic.

Letting our old feelings get in the way of our emerging selves is a one step forward and two step back approach that is not only confusing but exhausting; stamping out the slightest spark by pouring doubt and fear all over it.

Sometimes it takes a few tries for our creative energy to get enough momentum to break through. While failing is one thing we all try to avoid, avoiding to start is a worse fate. Drowning out the music that is rising within you is poison no matter what way you look at it. When old feelings arise, they generally appear to be friends, but is really just misery and it’s gang looking for company to take out, help you forget the present but tell you they told you so and that, from now on, you should all stick together. Don’t listen to them. Thank them for their concern and care and let them go or you will be forever stuck paying the bill.

If you have a dream but keep hearing the same message playing, stop and ask yourself why? Are there limiting family beliefs that play like a record in your background noise? Is there a past hurt that you have experienced that feels too familiar in the present and therefore becomes a road block to trying again? Are you just scared of failure? Success? Neither?

When I finally started writing, I was scared I would fail and I was even more terrified I would succeed. Guess what? I neither succeeded nor failed. Nothing really happened. I put my stuff out there to crickets. Surprised by this, I realized I had not prepared for indifference. The world had not spat in my face and no one congratulated me on a job well done. I just put it out there and there it was. That was a whole new unsettling experience. It was only then I realized that my feelings and beliefs about who I was were so self-centered and wrong, but by believing them, I stopped growing like a goldfish in a small bowl. And with no new growth, I was stagnant. In stagnation, not only could I not move, I couldn’t set any type of goal because I saw no way forward. I finally understood that my new goal shouldn’t be for either success or failure it should be for simple agility and movement towards being authentically me. All this time I was thinking I would fail, I never thought I would just move forward. But by moving forward I was able to battle my dragons better because I didn’t die and the sun still rose and as I did, slowly it was the old feelings and thoughts that started to appear silly in the light and not the emerging self.

Today, see what emerges. Trust it and nourish it. Know the old feelings and beliefs are ways to keep you safe, but in a way that is not letting you grow at all. Thank the old beliefs for being there but ask them to sit and stay. Reach instead for growth. So often when we fear failure, we become paralyzed, but what is failure? Ask yourself that. Embrace the possibility of failure and success as just landscapes in the movement. Today, step out there. The world is waiting to see what emerges.

Photo credit: Unsplash.com Matthew Hamilton

The 3 Ps of Midlife Movement Towards New Goals

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As we hit middle age, we get into this grey area – we are the ones with ever increasing seniority in the room, we may be coming up on work anniversaries with two digits and may have mastered many of the tricks of our trade, many of us while raising families, but we are still not quite near the age where we can start daydreaming of spending winters in Miami and summers in Cape Cod.

It is precisely at this time that midlife angst may tap us on the shoulder. Perhaps we have grown bored with the industry that we have been in for so long, or we feel that we ourselves have become stale or that other unearthed passions exist and have begun pecking at the eggshell trying to hatch.

This was the situation I found myself in a few years ago. I was in my early 40s and had been at the same job for 15 years. I was surrounded with caring people who really watched me grow up, some attended my wedding and one coworker was the first visitor to hold my hours old baby girl. I raised my family and life went along, until I starting feeling restless. I could not describe it or even justify it – it was just that I was…bored. The tasks of the day to day operations became somewhat tedious, even the celebrations became repeats of years past. I made a very difficult decision to leave and venture out on my own.

What I have learned is that a little goal setting goes a long way in midlife.

Plan Ahead.

Before making a move from where you are, think about when you plan on or want to retire. What does your ideal future look like? What is your retirement strategy? If you don’t have one, this is the time to start ironing one out, even if it is not perfect – time is still on your side. If you need assistance with this, get it. A good CPA is really worth their weight in gold.

My husband knew how miserable I was and so we sat down and looked at what we could do. What we decided was that if I quit, we could afford a gap year – one where I tried starting my own business – we could swing it for one year and then if nothing took off, I could find a job. This was a perfect time for me to do it because we could make up the year later on if we needed to and I could finally lean in to a dream of mine.

This did take planning though: insurance, spending money, vacations, etc. all needed to be discussed upfront and agreed upon so neither felt blindsided later down the road. When things didn’t go so well, I did get another job but one that was in a different arena that challenged me, kept me fresh and allowed me to keep things going on the side, steadily building my passions so I didn’t feel so cut off from myself.

Find Your Passion.

Listen to your heart and make it a priority to find your passion. You may have already found it in your current job, if so, fantastic. You may find that it is time to step out of what you have been doing and either return to school or change paths. You also may find that a shift of thinking from your day to day work being your secondary gig and what you do on the side becomes what you light up for. It is the difference between being in “real life” versus being “really alive”. Sometimes we don’t need to quit our day jobs to move on the things that make our soul sing.

Midlife provides a very specific space for us to question who we our, what our purpose and passion is and what we want to do with the rest of our working career, and with the rest of our magnificently little time on this planet. It is in this sacred time that we can find a 2.0 version of ourselves just waiting to be unveiled.

Think about what you loved to do as a child, is there anything that you can return to and pick up that sense of passion and excitement you had then? I wrote when I was a child and it brought me great joy, but one harsh critique from a teacher in the 7th grade stopped me writing dead in my tracks until now. Can I make a living from it? Not now, but I can start there and see where it takes me. I can reawaken that part of me that had no limitations or belief that I would fail and rekindle that flame. Who knows where this will go, but I tell you I feel a heck of a lot better mentally and emotionally. And a hell more alive.

When setting your midlife goals, make sure your passion is front and center. We can create goals that are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic -or Relevant- and Timely) to work towards what we want, but without passion they are just maps to a place that we might not want to visit. Start with creating goals from your passion place and work outwards from there, otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure or an indifference to the results. Who cares if you sell 20 widgets if your soul screams to write poetry. Start with setting a goal of writing every day and your widget selling will naturally become better. Why? Because YOU become better.

Push Yourself Past the Fear.

When we mine our souls and find that precious gem of passion, our first instinct might be to hide it away and only show it to those we deem deserving. Never to anyone who might want to take it away or show us a prettier gem that makes ours not as special as we thought it to be. But this is the time we need to push past that instinct. So many of us are waiting until we perfect that story or quit our job or until we are confident. Reality check: those things might never happen. We all have to start before we think we are ready. We have to look at what we are hiding from, behind and for and ask ourselves why are we waiting? Midlife can give us the courage to push past the fear of failure and of being judged and lean in to our own magic.

I started my FB page on midlife with guns blazin’ – I was willing to put myself out there and thought I was doing great until I got a negative review and someone called the page “boring”. I was so hurt by that – didn’t they see my courageousness, my vulnerability, my honesty as something to be admired? No, they saw it as a boring FB page. When I sat with it I realized that I didn’t die, no one was rushed to the emergency room and the sun rose the next day. My first reaction was to stop being so honest and vulnerable, but for what? One person’s opinion? I decided that it was my fear that was the drug of paralysis, not one negative comment that from another’s perspective may have been total truth. I realized that I wasn’t putting myself out there for others, it was for me – for that voice in me that calls to me from deep inside to write and tell what I know in my own voice. If others didn’t get that then, oh well.

Today, what can you do to push past the fear and take a step towards what you want? Sit down and start to Plan – think about what is calling you and how you can create the time and space to at least give it expression. It may not mean quitting tomorrow, but maybe it means going to an open mic, a poetry slam, getting up early to write, registering for that class (and showing up!), taking steps to self-publish, finally sitting down to create. Honor that in yourself. Start with your passion and work outwards and push past the fear that will be the worst troll that you could have following you. Let the angst of midlife be your muse and your hourglass. Embrace who you are and the contribution that only you can give the world. We are all waiting.

Our Midlife Menu: 4 Things to do Today

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Now is the time to optimize your midlife menu. Certain foods can support your health and even aid in reducing menopausal indicators. With metabolism, hormones and caloric needs changing, here are some ways you can set your self up for success:

-Increase your intake of Omega-3 fatty acids (found in salmon, mackerel or if you are vegetarian, flax and chia seeds). Studies have shown Omega-3s can assist in lowering LDL cholesterol, reduce depressive symptoms (specifically in women), improve cognition and even reduce the frequency hot flashes.

-Eat more phytoestrogen containing foods. These are foods that bind to estrogen receptors and can act as kind of a very weak estrogen in the body. Foods such as soy, chickpeas, barley, grapes, berries, broccoli and flax sees seem to offer protection against certain cancers, reduce some of the midlife ‘fog’ and maybe even offer hot flash relief as well. One factor that has always been interesting is how vasomotor (hot flashes/night sweats) as an indicator of perimenopause is a very Western indicator. Studies of women in Asia show they experience vasomotor symptoms in about 20% of women, while about 80% of Western women experience them. One theory is the high consumption of soy in the Asian diet might be at play. While studies are far and few between and inconclusive, it is interesting to think that maybe there is a connection.

-Eat more protein. This is not a green light for a burger at Krystal. This is making sure you are consuming good quality protein daily. This, along with activity, can keep age related muscle deterioration at bay and can prevent hip fractures. Nuts, eggs, lean beef, chicken, even protein powders can give you the 20-25 grams you need a meal.

-Drink more water. While there is no ‘universal’ guidelines on how much water to consume, there are reasons to try to make sure you are drinking it. From lubricating joints, to keeping bacteria at bay in our midlife mouths by forming saliva and mucus, to keeping us from prematurely wrinkling, water is one of those things that is just good for you. I am guilty of this one and am going to commit to increasing my water intake. Will keep you all posted on that one.

Today, look at what you are doing to support your midlife self. I think we often rock along like we are 35 and forget that the needs of our bodies have changed. We end up with habits that are no longer serving us and at this stage of the game start actively working against us. Then we get in a vicious cycle of bad habits and new symptoms, never connecting the two and trying untangle the knot of our new midlife situation.

What are the most bothersome indicators for you TODAY? How can you support yourself with diet and exercise?? Hot flashes? Try magnesium (make sure it is right for you first), didn’t work? Try increasing Omega-3s – try them together. Keep a diary, note how you feel, what is going on. Read (there are two great books I recommended in the last blog), own your power. Know that no on outside you will know your unique experience so you have to be the one who captains your ship.

Even ONE step in the right direction today can make a difference. It’s not about beating yourself up but about celebrating it all and celebrating you.
Stay Strong, Stay Centered and Stay Healthy.

Image from unsplash.com

Midlife Must: Add Magnesium to your Life

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The more I learn about magnesium, the more I think it is the MIDLIFE WONDER MINERAL and I want to share this information with everyone, especially women in midlife.

Magnesium is involved in so many biochemical functions in the body (over 300): regulating body temperature (think hot flash relief), sleep functions (staying asleep longer), mood swings and blood pressure/sugar (lower blood pressure and protection against type 2 diabetes), bone density (a study of women aged 39 to 72 showed those with the highest magnesium rates had the strongest bones and muscles) AND it is also known as the “relaxation” mineral.

YET most of us don’t even really know about it and are in midlife are either low or deficient in this mineral (magnesium is kept deep in the bones and muscles, so a deficiency may not even show up in a blood test).


Why? – Our levels drop due to hormone fluctuations – Our levels get depleted during times of stress (um, hello 40s and life in general) – Caffeine and alcohol strip our levels (nooooooo!!) – Many vegetables are now grown in mineral depleted soil, leaving us thinking we are getting our greens, when we are not really getting nutrients from them. – It is rarely studied for it’s benefits in perimenopause – It is not sold by a drug company for profit – There are so many “types” of commercially available magnesium, it is confusing and overwhelming.


Y’all, we need to be making sure that we are getting a magnesium-rich diet. You can get it in almonds, dried fruits, black beans, spinach, kale and dark chocolate (>70%), avocados, tofu and flax/pumpkin/chia seeds.


You can also look at adding it as a midlife supplement. There are pills, oils, lotion, flakes and sprays on the market. It is confusing and overwhelming on all the ways and types. Try a good quality magnesium glycinate, which does not have laxative effects and has a natural calming effect (always, however, do your homework). This may assist with hot flashes, insomnia and stress.


I have some friends for whom it reduced hot flashes entirely and others who did not notice a huge difference in that, for example, but did notice they slept for longer periods, one said she just felt better overall. I use NESTED Naturals brand vegan Magnesium Glycinate Chelate 200 mg. daily (but, again, that works for ME, finding out what works for you is key).
There are SEVERAL types of magnesium our there. Daily recommendations for women are between 310-320 mg. day. Before you add a bottle to your amazon cart, make sure you know what type fits your needs.


Of course, every woman is so unique – we all have to do our research and talk to our doctors if we take supplements and are on other meds, just to be safe.
Midlife madness is real and one of our best defense is a healthy diet rich in vitamins and minerals and trying to reduce stress.


You can also check out two books I highly recommend (I know, I know, who has time to read…):The Magnesium Miracle by Carolyn Dean MD, ND (and is also available on Audible) and Before the Change by Ann Louise Gittleman, PhD, CNS

Part of falling apart is finding yourself and there is nothing better than being the architect of your own vitality.
Stay strong, stay centered and stay healthy!!

In defense of the last first and the first last

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Today, I sent my daughter off to her first day of senior year. This was the first time I was sad, really sad watching her go. Each grade before brought excitement and the unknown, like fresh new growth. Each year was marked by a photo and a ritual of a first, knowing there would be another just like it the following year with just a grade changed on the prop. Laughing at how much she changed, how tall she had gotten, how long her hair was now.

This year, however, the ritual was one of lasts. It was the last first day in high school, the last first day she would be here with me not belonging to the world yet. The last first day I knew she had only one home on this planet, ours. Next year would be full of firsts again, but in a new environment with new rules and norms, but for today, all I could see was lasts.

I then thought about all my lasts this year firsts recently. How life had shaken me out of a long time job and escorted me into another, where I had to make new relationships, learn new ways of doing things and start all over at a new place with a much longer commute. I thought of how midlife had given me firsts within my own skin. How the roles I have played for so long no longer needed a leading character, how the reflection in the mirror has started to betray me. How all the worry, insecurities and old wounds I had been carrying around only obscured my new view and became a troublesome 3 piece luggage set on a trip that only allowed a carry on.

The aches I felt watching my daughter go, were also aches of longing for the way it has been. I was no longer a master of this part of my life, I was now a novice in a new part. I realized how many layers of to do lists and birthday parties and pick up lines I had masterfully woven through. How, on this end, I had smugly judged others who were newer in their role and had not yet figured out what, to a seasoned mom, was just sooo obvious. How my comfort and experience had in some way made me arrogant and lazy. I had succeeded in playing the role, yet In trying so desperately to look like I had it all together and figured out, I had forgotten about the absolute precious gift I was looking at, why I was there and that it would one day be over.

But here is where I found myself today: in the presence of a first last and a last first.

When she pulled away, I realized that I am now, once again, a novice. I have decided I am going to welcome it as scary as it may be. My skills and experience had not prepared me for today, yet deep down, I know I need no preparation, I only need courage, which being a novice takes a lot of. I realized today that this is part of life. It is a gift for me to be reminded that nothing in life is truly stable and guaranteed not to change. It was a great reminder that for all my mastery, if I am unable to become a novice again I am at risk of becoming hard, stagnant and arrogant. Being a novice is never a last first or a first last, but it embodies the best of what we have to offer as humans: curiosity, vulnerability, excitement and freshness with a healthy dose of humility. Learning to be a novice again will also let me view the first lasts and the last firsts as just markers to more learning and growth.

I realized that the tears I shed were not for her, but for me. I was comfortable, we were settled and safe and now the boat must go back out on the choppy water again and I must learn to sail again. As much as I would rather stay on shore and embellish tales of adventure, the harbor is not what makes a sailor great or has ever made a great sailor. It keeps the boat safe. She happily rowed away from me today. Within the lesson of the first last and the last first, I realized that as a novice, I must return to the boat and relearn how to row .

Copycat Lara Bar: Pumpkin Spice… Raw food eating.YUUUMMM

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As I search for clean eating snacks that have protein and a little sweetness to them, I have reached for a Lara bar often. I decided to try to make my own. Here we go.

Ingredients I used for the Lara Bar base. The only additional things I added were Pumpkin Pie Spice and Cinnamon.

The recipe I used was:

3 cups raw cashews

1 cup dates (unpitted)

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

1/8 teaspoon Pumpkin Pie spice

1/8 teaspoon cinnamon

Put cashews in food processor and pulse until fine

Soak the dates in hot water (I think the soaking got better results), drain and add to cashew mixture. Pulse. Add coconut and spices, pulse.

Take the mixture and spread it in a square 8×8 pan – you can either line it or spray with non-stick oil. I sprayed it and it was fine. Refrigerate for about 2 hours.

Cut into bars and store. Total prep time was about 10 minutes.

Food processor – blend all ingredients
Put in dish and refrigerate
Cut into bars

They are super yummy. Looking at suggestions from others, I think I could have mixed it up with almonds and walnuts. I could have also added a pinch of salt, but that is for another time though.

You can look here to find the nutrition facts for the Cashew Cookie Lara Bar, which is what mine was just with some different things added. The coconut would add some calories and fat, but I did not add a lot.

My daughter now grabs one instead of the prepackaged granola bars and I cut them small so they are portioned, otherwise, they are really so good you can go a little crazy on them. I know they don’t look like totally like a Lara bar, I could have ground up the nuts better, I think and my daughter did at first complain about the texture but the taste is just soooo good.

Do you have a raw recipe you swear by? Have you made your own bars and can suggest improvements?

woman on scale

Midlife Weight Gain: 4 Weighs to Cope

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Starting at about the age of 30 our metabolism starts slowing down about 5% each year. From the age of 35 to 45, we start to lose muscle mass so we end up needing about 200 calories LESS a day.

This fun fact helped our aged ancestors survive in the wilderness when hunting and gathering all day was the closest thing they had to a Publix and the older folks who weren’t as good at it anymore needed a little meat on their bones to ward off starvation.

Now, a trip to Sonic for a Pineapple Upside Down Master Blaster shake will provide you with 2,020 calories and 94 grams of fat (women up to the age of 50 need about 1800 calories a day). Or Olive Garden’s Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara will set you back 1,590 calories and a whopping 114 grams of fat. All without having to forage or stalk a single one of those carbs. Yikes.

So, unless we are kicking up our activity levels at the same time when we want to just take a break, and right when the “itises” start showing up at our doorstep – or we purposefully start to eat more balanced and focused diet, we can end up with a few extra pounds seemingly out of nowhere. This can lead to feelings of frustration and a tendency to want to give up or give in.

Here are 4 things you can do to keep the midlife middle in check:

  1. Eat as fresh as possible. Summer is a great time for farmers markets and gardens so try to embrace the beauty that are harvest in your local soils. You can find your local farmers marker location here: http://localfarmmarkets.org/
  2. Don’t diet or limit yourself, but eat intentionally and eat from all the food groups. Eat the not-so-good foods once in a while and read the labels for added sugar. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/18-surprising-foods-high-in-sugar#section1. One trick is to try to eat 100 calories less a day. That might be one cookie instead of two, or adding in 20 minutes of walking to your day.
  3. Try a copycat recipe that takes some of your decadent favorite foods and makes them healthier, this site has the Wendy’s Frosty and a Starbucks mocha frappaccino reimagined in a healthier way: https://www.prevention.com/food-nutrition/g20497811/10-clean-eating-copycat-recipes/?slide=4
  4. Move as much as you can. We know from our brief obsession with fitbits that #allstepsmatter. Park further, take the stairs, walk and talk with friends. It all adds up.
    And remember, it’s not about the rules, it’s about a connection to positive choices and loving yourself no matter what.
Heart in an apple

The Midlife Heart: Palpitations

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With midlife comes many opportunities for women: a chance to step out of and redefine long held roles within a family structure, a chance to have more time to pursue often long forgotten interests, and hopefully more financial freedom to do so.

Within this transitional period, as we get used to the new us, we might find that the internal seems to be transitioning as well. Our midlife body may bring with it a series of reminders that it, too, is along for the ride.

A friend of mine recently shared her story of going to the ER convinced she was having a heart attack, only to find it turned out to be a panic attack, her first one ever. She has experienced heart palpitations on and off since then leading us to have many conversations about the midlife heart. You might even feel palpitations in your neck rather than in your chest!

If you have having heart palpitations for the first time in midlife, you are not alone. Lots of us are experiencing them as well.
They can be related to midlife anxiety, stress, hormones, thyroid issues, certain medications, too much caffeine, depression and yes, heart muscle issues.

It can even be that our “heart” becomes more open and sensitive in midlife, trying to pass on messages of things that no longer serve us. Dr. Christine Northrup talks about finding out what your heart is trying to tell you. Of course, stabilizing insulin levels and blood sugar is a first step in the right direction. She also suggests looking at progesterone cream or even estrogen for possible relief.

If you have heart palpitations and have ruled out any serious medical conditions as the cause, here are a few natural ways to deal with them:

  1. Reducing caffeine intake (although that’s not happening in my house – for the safety of all who live around me)
  2. Look at your diet. What habits have you developed that are no longer serving your health? Poppin by Wendy’s to grab a small Frosty on the way home from work can be refreshing, but remember it comes with 40 grams of sugar AND 48 grams of carbs. Why not find a knockoff recipe like this one? There are so many healthy recipes to replace the foods we love, why not be inspired??
  3. Trying meditation or acupuncture to deal with midlife stress (many insurance companies are now offering acupuncture benefits – Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Tennessee, for example, has added 50 visits a year to many plans for 2020). You can find an acupuncturist near you here.
  4. Try using the heart mudra (hear me out…I have a friend who this really helped – it is a hand position with an energy lock – you can find a 58 second video of it here.
  5. Try this pressure point technique.
  6. Try an Epsom salt bath (although there are risks if you have low blood pressure, so do some research)
  7. Try the Valsalva Maneuver. Ok, this one may feel odd but it stimulates the Vargus nerve. Many of us do it to clear water out of our ears, but it can help with rapid heart beats. Coughing and splashing cold water on your face can also be good, easy grandma-approved remedies to try.
  8. For overall heart care, try taking Blackstrap molasses regularly. Rich in potassium, calcium, magnesium, and iron, this stuff is Apple Cider vinegars suave cousin. Dissolving a teaspoon in a glass of water and drinking it daily can help – you just have to get used to the taste and strong smell.

Make sure that when your heart talks to you, you listen. In midlife, our bodies start to reveal long held secrets and patterns. What we do with that information is up to us.

What other remedies have you used and found helpful?

A woman standing in the morning sunshine

SMASH Your Midlife Mornings: 5 Ways to Set Yourself Up for Success

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We ultimately are the sum total of our habits.  When our daily habits support our best selves, we set ourselves up for success.  Each time we act with respect for our higher self, we are expressing a high level of self-love.  This type of extreme self-care is both compassionate and healing. It is also independent of the behaviors, opinions and beliefs of those around us, so it allows us to both the giver and receiver of a deep level of kindness and gratitude.

So, how do we SMASH our morning routine?

S – Sleep. 

Try to get as much and as restful a night’s sleep that you can.  It gets harder in midlife to get good quality sleep and even harder to get enough of it, but it is one of the best things you can do to support your best self. Studies have even shown that getting less than 7 hours of sleep on a regular basis can lead to weight gain and increases the risk for diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.  Yikes!

Quality sleep can help improve concentration and strengthen your immune system.  It helps with both your emotional and physical well-being so make it a priority. 

Some tips for sleeping better in midlife at night:

  • Go to bed the same time each night (yes, even on weekends and holidays)
  • Limiting liquids before bed (this means alcohol as well)
  • Sleep in the darkest space possible
  • Keep the room temp set to cool
  • Go natural: try taking a hot bath, dab some lavender on your pillow, get great sheets that feel amazing.  Make your bedroom truly a place to relax.

M – Movement. 

Stretch and move your body first thing in the morning. This doesn’t have to mean a 90-minute power yoga class, it can, but even just stretching your body counts. Stretching is a great way to re-inhabit your body, get your blood flowing, relieve tension and bring you into the present moment. 

As we age, we start to naturally lose our balance, flexibility and range of motion. When our muscles stay in a chronically shortened state, it can change the way we move through space.  This can affect the way we walk, move and hold ourselves and leaves us vulnerable to injury and strain.  Before making stretching a midlife morning priority, I pulled a back muscle bending down to get a packet of sugar that fell on the floor. 

If you are not a morning exerciser, simple activities such as pelvic tucks, spinal flexion and extension on hands and knees, gentle spinal rotation with knees moving side to side, stretching upwards and side stretches can loosen areas that have tightened up through the night, increase your energy and start your day with a feeling of strength and accomplishment.  

A – Attitude. 

Do something for your soul each morning. Pray, meditate, read an affirmation, set an intention, breathe or whatever it is that centers and inspires you.  Taking time in the morning, even if it only 5 minutes, to connect to your higher power and/or deeper self, can be a wonderful motivation to be more and connect with something bigger than the day to day tasks in front of us.  It also provides a check-in with your whole self in a quiet space and allows those subtle whispers of wisdom and guidance to be heard.

In midlife, days are often mentally busy and filled with a flurry of activity and external responsibilities.  Creating your own sacred time and space can be recharging and reaffirming in the midst of so many life changes.  Starting the day with attention to your inner, and best, self allows you to foster an attitude of peace, love and acceptance.  This is true beauty and it is timeless.

S – Smile.  

Find something that makes you smile each morning.  Listen to a funny podcast, spend a few minutes with your children playing, take a few silly moments with your spouse or love on a pet and truly enjoy the joy of being present and let it be expressed with a smile. Just the act of smiling can change your mood, reduce stress, lower your blood pressure and enhance your immune system. 

And if we are talking about smiles, let’s not forget about our teeth.  Keeping teeth healthy as we age is critical.  As we age, so do our teeth. The enamel on our teeth becomes translucent making them appear more yellow, gums recede, fillings and dental work may need to be replaced and midlife stress can bring about jaw clenching, pain and night grinding adding more of a load to bear for our aging chompers.  If you find that midlife stress has gotten to you (you have headaches, a sore jaw or are catching yourself clenching), talk to your dentist to see if a nightguard might be an option for you.

Invest in a good toothbrush and replace it once the head is worn down.  Don’t flake on flossing either.  I was a reluctant flosser until my dentist suggested I just floss the ones I want to keep.  That’s all it took. Flossing can combat the bacteria that builds up and causes inflammation, irritation and bad breath. 

Incorporating a little love for your teeth in the morning and finding reasons to smile can be wonderful gift for your midlife mouth.

H – Hydrate and Health. 

These are two separate actions, but they go hand in hand.  Have a glass of warm or room temperature water first thing in the morning to jumpstart your system.   Having 16 ounces of water first thing in the morning helps your body flush out toxins, fills you up and starts your metabolism. It also helps you rehydrate your system.  Dehydration can affect concentration and mood and contribute to constipation, sleeplessness, headaches and overall sluggishness. 

While tempting to reach for that cup of coffee first thing, remember, you have gone several hours without drinking anything and coffee is dehydrating.  Drink water first, save the coffee or tea (which can provide some antioxidants) for a little while later.

Eat a nutritious breakfast, one that provides energy by bringing good carbs, protein and fiber in to your body and satisfies your hunger.  This way, as you move through your busy morning, you can focus better, think clearer and feel great.  It can also prevent you from reaching for that box of donuts on the breakroom table or swinging by a drive thru because you need something quick.

While everyone has different preferences, palettes and accessibility, some good breakfast choices are:

  • Oatmeal (straight oats rather than the presweetened flavored kind, you can add fruit or a bit of natural sweetener to add extra flavor)
  • Eggs (if you are not vegan) can be a great choice for satisfying hunger and offering a good dose of protein and other antioxidants (hardboiled eggs are great portable breakfast)
  • Yogurt (preferably greek style, again if not vegan, with a low sugar and higher probiotic ratio). Again, you can add fruit or even nuts to make this even tastier
  • Not a breakfast eater? Try grabbing a handful of raw almonds when heading out the door.

In fact, packing a few healthy snacks to have at your desk, in your purse or car is also a great way to set yourself up for success when running errands, picking up kids or just living a busy life.

When we can develop the habit of SMASHing our morning, we can set up a safe, open, loving space that is ours alone and one that supports and encourages our best mid-life self. _b=/\r?\

walkway with woman walking alone

The losing end of parenting….

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Today, my 13 year old daughter told me the way I dressed embarrassed her. I thought I looked good; I felt good in what I was wearing.

She told me I wear the same thing again and again and she would not be going on that walk with me, that people might see us. My heart broke.

I thought back to when she was young and wore her favorite shirt or pants or boots again and again and I would desperately try to hold back and let her be who she was and comfortable and happy in clothes that made her feel good.

How do I tell her that as she is coming into her own fashion sense, I feel that I am slowly losing touch with mine? How could I ever share with her the frustration and disconnect that I am all of a sudden feeling with a midlife body that is changing shape without my consent and taking my self-confidence with it?

How do I tell her that the clothes she is seeing me now choose are an outward reflection of the safety and comfort that I feel I am desperately losing on the inside in midlife? My changing as mother, my new role as an older female who feels suddenly dismissed within a youth-obsessed culture or the brutal reality of mortality that has somehow slipped into the room unnoticed and imposingly just stands there barrelchested?

How do I tell her how distant I feel from myself and how sad I am that she, my baby, is growing up and I realize that my ability to reproduce will soon gone forever?

I want to run to her and hold her tight and tell her to make good choices and be whoever she wants to be and celebrate life and that I love her more than she will ever know or at least until she herself is a mother.

But, for now, I don’t do any of that. I smile and nod with acceptance and put my headphones in and take that walk by myself.